Thoughts

Funny how life turns up to be the way you didn't imagine it. There are so many things that we learn along the short life we are leading yet every time we face new challenges or obstacles that life throws us we don't tend to see it as a positive thing but rather we think it's some sort of curse given to us by God. I never though life would turn out to be this way for me, since I was a kid I always asked myself what am I doing here? Why did God sent me here? Weird questions to be thought by a 10 year old girl, I know, but I didn't consider it weird but rather aren't they normal questions people often ask themselves when they reach a certain age? Haven't people thought about such things? If they didn't guess I can consider myself weird and abnormal. But seriously I doubt that am the only one who has such thoughts cross their minds.
I'am not the type of person who talks about what I think about life personally. I don't think people would understand why my views of life are so different, so I rarely push my ideas about life to people easily. To those closest to me that is my family and friends they know am not the sort of person who easily advise people about life and how to handle themselves in certain situations but there are some people who always turn to me for advise and sometimes I wonder if they already made a decision in their minds but they just asked me or any other person just to reassure themselves with what they have decided. There are some genuine cases though and even if I don't want to tell them what to do since it's their lives and in the end its their decision that counts, I try to help them out. Though am not a person whose an expert in giving advise to people about life because I still have a long way ahead, I still want to try and help.
The reason? Like I said earlier on am a person who has thought alot about the reason as to why am I here? I may not know the exact reason but I hope with my presence I can help people, though I may not be able to do much. These are my thoughts about life, though I tried to change it so many times though but I just couldn't get it out of my mind. I realized that each of us has a reason to be here, a role we all have to play before we have to leave again. All we have to do is fulfill the role we have been placed to accomplish and while doing so enjoy every moment God has given us and learn what life has to teach each one of us.

Don't judge me.

Since it's Sunday my entire day today was spent at home, yeah it was a boring day but at least I got something  out of it which is something to write about. So no loss at all. Writer's block is officially removed haha XD
Anyway on to serious business.
I think we all have gone through the stage were people love to talk and judge about the way we live our own personal lives and how we see it, and from my point of view honestly I always consider them useless a**holes who got no other job to do other than judging the way I live my life. I don't know about the others but seriously I learnt that the more they judge me the more I do things that goes beyond the limits of their definition of being a 'good kid', example: Technically I shouldn't get my ears pierced more than once, I got it more than seven times, I shouldn't pierce my eyebrows, well lo and behold I pierced it with a needle and thread since once is never enough I did it three times since each time the hole was small, well guess you got the thing about what am trying to say. People closest to me know am not the sort of person who could easily listen to people and do what they want me to do, the more you tell me to do something I do the opposite (this applies only to those people who I don't respect). I've been living my life for 21 years according to how I see fit, my parents aren't the sort of parents who would tell me to live my life according to their wishes but rather they have entrusted me with the responsibility for my own life. The reason as to why they gave me such a responsibility it's because they want me to personally learn to face how the real life is and make me realize that life ain't a bed of roses and also they realized that in the end of the day its my life and not theirs. But guess other people have a different mindset. Is it so wrong to live my life according to my wishes instead of conforming to society? Each one of us have our own way of seeing and living our own lives because we all know we all each have our own different obstacles that we have to conquer in life but people don't seem to understand this concept. From my side, I never try to judge the way a person lives because I should understand their view of lives. They have their own reason as to why they live their lives in that way just because I don't know the reason I don't think am dignified to judge right? But people have their own conceited views upon this, guess they are pretty jobless in their own lives they got enough time to worry about what's going on in other people lives rather than worry about the problems in their own lives.
P.S.- This goes out to all those who judge me, I seriously don't give a damn what you think about me but just for the record do know this important fact that every time you judge and talk about me an imaginary middle finger goes out in honor for all of you.
PEACE OUT!

Writer's Block

Okay right now am seriously facing a writer's block. I don't know what to write because it's all jumbled up in my mind. hahaXD
I'll try to unblock it and come back in a few day's to the blog world.
P.S. the reason as to why am writing this shit in my blog is because I miss writing something over here. Stupid excuse but can't help it.
Anyway Peace Out!!
Will definitely catch up in a few day's, if am lucky the earliest will be by tomorrow.

An epitaph

Those closest to me know that I'm not that sort of person who can easily express what I feel inside with actions but rather I prefer writing it down and hope that the person reading understands what am trying to say. Though I've gone through many hardships in my life, one of the hardest was losing my dad when I was 16. It's been hard for me to deal with his death and even now I'am still having problems with it but I'am not that sort of person who shows the world that she's sad or anything.  It's been four years and 9 months, and whenever I see young kids walking with their dad's holding hands and crossing the road I was always wishing my dad was with me to protect me from the world.
Losing someone you care and love alot especially a parent makes you learn the most valuable lesson in life. You learn to cherish the moments you shared and also value the little and big things they taught you when they were by your side. Though I love my mom, I kinda love my dad a little more. He made me learn to have tolerance and to never be afraid of anything and even if I'm afraid, never show it to the world. He wasn't that sort of parent who would give you long lectures if you did anything wrong but rather he would sit down with me and talk to me like a friend. From him, I learnt to live my life according to my wishes, to not care what people say because no matter what it is they will always keep on talking and to never be afraid to always follow my dreams no matter what. He may not be the greatest dad in the world, but in my eyes he was. He always loved me no matter what I did and he always accepted me for what I am. I did and said many things which I now realized must have given him much hurt but yet he tolerated it and still loved me. I always wondered if he was here right now would he be proud of the person I am now? Will he forgive me for all the things I said and did? The answers to these questions are 'what ifs'.
But I hope that wherever he is right now, I hope he knows my feelings that am sorry for everything. It's because of him and mom's constant guidance that I am the person I am right now.
 Thank you dad and Love you!