The attack of the oranges!!

Today was one of those fun days I had with my cousins who just came back home for Christmas and talking about the crazy things we did when we were kids or in other words whenever we meet each other. The only times we would actually spend loads of time with each other was mostly after winter breaks for all of us since we all lived in different parts of Shillong. Spending time with them was so much fun that I usually forgot our age differences, my cousin was four years older than me and another cousin of mine was two years younger than me but like I said when the three of us met it didn't matter because craziness and fun would always follow.
This incident happened during one winter when I think I was 10 and it was during Christmas time that my two cousins came over to spend time with me and like the usual thing we did we decided to play outside in the yard. In the yard, my grandfather planted orange trees and since the season to pluck them came there was nothing on the tree except the smallest oranges. Me and my other two cousins decided that we should pluck the remaining oranges that were left on the trees and play with them thinking they were bullets (yeah, we were retards but in a cute way hahahahah ^^) but the youngest of us told us why not pelt them at people walking on the road and see who can hit the farthest like the retards we were we decided why not right? No harm would come to us since we would be having fun, but so wrong we were.
With that plan in mind we decided to do it since the place were am living is kinda like on a small hill and the road was below our house, the bet was whoever lost had to do something embarrassing. We all had our 'ammo' ready and we all stood like three warriors in a line. First was our oldest cousin, second was me and last was our younger cousin, as the game began it was fun but as we all saw our 'ammo' was running low we decided to step it up a notch and decided that whoever hit a person will get an extra point and might win the game, that's when the game started being serious, when my older cousin's turn came she was like this is it, am gonna win but don't worry Eva I won't make you do anything embarrassing, I was happy she told me that, since I knew if I lost I would never face myself in front of my two beloved cousins without being laughed first (yeah we three were the worst when it came to insulting people and we still are if I might add hahahha ^^). As she saw her next target coming up the road she threw it with all her might and we both knew i.e., me and my older cousin that it was gonna hit the target, the moment she threw it we hid ourselves behind a wall but our younger cousin like the smartass he always is, he stood up and looked out the wall, the target who my older cousin aimed actually hit him on the head and damn was he pissed at my younger cousin since the target thought it was him and my younger cousin couldn't say anything except continuously shaking his head and mouthing the words IT WASN'T ME!!! and the best part was he pointed at the direction were me and older cousin were hiding, we were both shocked but yet we both decided to not come out from our hiding spot (hahhaha yeah we are mean people :P).Our younger cousin continued screaming his head off saying IT WASN'T ME the entire time to the target but the target thought he was just some retarded kid, just screamed at our youngest cousin with words the three of us didn't understand at all and gave a standing ovation of the middle finger before leaving the spot of the 'crime', the moment he left we came out from our hiding place laughing our heads off at our younger cousin , however, my younger cousin was furious at both of us to what we did to him and said he would never play with us anymore but me and my older cousin already decided that the loser was already announced and so in the end the attack of the oranges was finally continued but the new target was our beloved partner in crime, our younger cousin.

Vintage time ^^

-This is one pic that I really love
It's with my dad when I think I was just around 9 or 10 months. 

*Bleh* :|

Funny how people are, they make sure that your look down upon by them no matter how hard you try to gain their trust. I try so hard to do everything they want me to do and in the end I end up being abused with words that make me wish I wasn't even alive. Fuck this shit called life, they prefer listening to people rather than to believe what I say if that's the case then no point in trying to hard to show that your willing to do anything to make them happy. The breaking point of my life is here I guess, I never knew that such a point of time in my life would come so fast but guess fate has other plans for me.
Am tired to live a life that depends upon making people happy when they don't seem to see the effort I put in. I just have had enough of this life fooling myself, guess its time to be selfish for once.No point of lying to myself about this shit. Guess I was never the perfect person in their eyes because my imperfections are always being questioned.

Twilight

-One of the few things that I love staying back in the University after classes is the view you get to see when the day finally ends and night is about to set in.


Photo Credit: K.S. & Z
Edit: Eva

Facade

Feelings and emotions are hidden behind a facade.

Living between two worlds is tiring and sometimes the wall that divides those two worlds comes crumbling down and have to be build again.

Everyday a constant battle.
Every moment a constant struggle to not turn into the person I hate the most.

A bouquet of Roses

A bouquet of roses lies on the grave this time of the year,
A prayer is said and tears are seen.
Feelings of what has gone and cannot be back are found in the air,
Wounds that cannot be healed are hidden under a facade.
Promises of always being there no matter what are all broken,
Those needless words of comfort are all empty words.

A bouquet of roses lies on the grave this time of year,
A prayer is said and tears can be seen.
Feelings that once haunt the heart are now gone,
As time passes by, feelings of hurt slowly disappear,
Now memories are but a sweet-bitter feeling.

As the bouquet of roses lies on the grave this time of the year,
A prayer is said and tears can be seen.
Yet a smile can be seen on the face,
The heart has learn to smile and feel the warmth again.
Memories that has been made will forever serve as a reminder of good times,
Time did its work and the heart has learnt to move on.
The past is the past and that cannot be changed,
But peace can be finally found from it.

A bouquet of roses lies on the grave this time of the year,
A prayer is said and tears can be seen.
The hurt that was seen before have disappeared,
Memories spent together are forever treasured and cherished.
Forever living, guided and protecting through the memories that was made,
Silence though fills the life of the heart, the demons of the soul do not haunt it anymore.

And as the last petal falls from the bouquet,
A prayer is said,
A prayer for hope to be  restored,
A prayer to be safe from the harsh reality,
And to find the strength to face the world alone.

                         
-[Dedicated for my dad. It's been five years to this date since he passed away and people know that I've gone through alot after his death. Time does heal your pains but not everything but it makes you learn to make peace with the past. His presence is greatly missed but I know where ever he is, he is constantly guiding me in my journey called life.
RIP Dad, know that your deeply missed and loved by everyone.]

Single Life

[This is just a song I repeat just a song]

"Hopeless romantic
That just can't be me
I ain't scared of commitment
but I just like being free

I can only imagine how love would feel cause I never felt it
I tend to change it up, let's be real
I can't help it

I don't need nobody to hold me down
I ain't one of those waiting for love to come around
Cause when it rains it pours, I'm out of the door
I don't need that
I love the single life

Thought I knew love like the back of my hand
Ain't against it but I need a bit of time to understand
And someday I'll learn though the twist and the turns
But right now no need for shades of grey
I'll pass on getting hurt

I'm independent and I love it
Am solo
Even if your thinking of me
Am solo
You can't catch me in love
I won't give up."

[Sang by: Cha Cha Malone Ft. Jay Park- Single Life]

Sickness

Pretense was the name of the game but I guess I had no clue,

You won and I lost.

I thought being with you was easy as breathing but as time passed I couldn't breathe anymore,
Suffocated in this relationship, I knew I had to let you go but I kept on holding on.

This love has become an obsession, a bad habit that I should get rid of,

My voice has turned into fear, my eyes shows nothing.

My affection is lost, I've become numb,

People around me tell me I've changed.

They don't understand me anymore but when did they ever did?

The coldness that surrounds me is slowly filling me up.
I can't look at myself anymore.
I got nothing in me now, 

Emptiness surrounds me but it doesn't make me weak.

Am not sick, am not hurt,

All I need is time.

Feelings change as the seasons,

Everyone changes.
I learnt from you the hardest thing in life,
There's no denying it now, I finally understand

Love is atrocious.
Love gives you pain as you keep learning about it.
The more you learn the worst you become.
Love is bad.
Love is nothing but hurt.

Love is just a sickness.
I don't need to beg you to stay, am letting you go.

I need to breathe again.

I need to live.

I don't need my mind to be filled with useless thoughts.

I need a drink right now,
I need to drown these thoughts and make me not remind myself for what I've become for you.
I've become cold to everyone who knows me,
Drunk in anxiety and doubts.
Am tainted by the love we had.
Memories of us haunt me and I can't seem to make myself forget,
But I need to tell myself that the love we shared was nothing but pretense
I learnt from you the hardest thing in life,
There's no denying it now, I finally understand
Love is atrocious.

Love gives you pain as you keep learning about it.
The more you learn the worst you become.
Love is bad.
Love is nothing but hurt.

Love is just a  sickness.

[This is just a poem nothing against love as such. I was listening to a song and got inspired. Nothing more or nothing less]

Thankful

You see pass my imperfections and took me for who I really am,

You held my hand and not even once you never let me go.
Seen my tears, my fears, my pain, my dreams and hopes,

When I thought I was alone you talked to me,

Comforted me and told me that I should never be afraid.

In the darkness moments of my life you've been there for me,

You guided me with your light.

You reached out to me when I thought no one was there for me,

Despite for my all imperfections you took me for who I am,

There were time I pushed you away, yet you always waited for me with open arms to come back to you,
Your love and your mercy is never ending,

You gave me hope once again and made me see the wonders of your works,

You took the pain I had in my heart and told me to be strong.

Your my strength when am weak,

The light that constantly guides me in this journey of life.

Nothing compares to your never ending love for each of us.

Jesus, your my Saviour and my friend,

You rise me to life again when I had lost all hope,

Am caught up in your infinite grace and love.

Each day is a new blessing you shower upon me,

For every moment I have in this life am thankful to you.

Closure

It's been a while now,
I haven't called you nor seen you.
Guess time didn't heal you up as yet,
I know I've hurt you more than I should have.
Promised you many things but ended up breaking up all of them,
I didn't mean to hurt you but guess that's how it is.
Memories keep on popping in my mind,
Thoughts of us still being best friends still haunt me in my dreams.
I wish I could hold your hand right now and ask for forgiveness again,
But I guess your not gonna come back

Years have passed and still there's no sign of you,
I've learnt to walk alone right now but sometimes I wish you could come back to being my friend.
But I know that's just wishful thinking,
I just hope your not hurting anymore.
May all your pain be washed away and may you find happiness again,
Time heals everything especially the pain that every heart has to go through.
Guess it's finally time I let the memories of us go,
The Final Goodbye.
The Closure.

Feelings o.O [yeah right! it's just a song]

"Your holding in your hands the two halves of my heart. Once upon a time we both were on the same side. Once upon a time we fell apart"


[Just edited a few words cuz I like it that way haha XD]


- Princess of China [Coldplay ft. Rihanna]

In life, all we need is time for anything to grow and to be strong. We have to withstand so many hardships and trials in life before anything becomes strong and it can be able to withstand anything that life throws at it. The same goes for the relationships that we have in our lives.

Staying up all night just to be able to see the sunrise

Though am cold and darkness surrounds me, the path that lies before me is Warm and will surround me with light

Photo credit : L. Thongni

When Heaven decided to show its beauty

photo credit: Zamn Edd.

Kiss those tears away

We've gone so long in this journey, we fight and we make up,
There were times I thought we won't make it anymore but then,
You smile and say "We can make it no matter what happens".
I smiled at you but realized I can't keep living with this lie.


It's been so long since I've seen you,
I keep thinking if your doing okay and if you happy with your life.
I miss those memories we shared together but I know what I did was the best for both of us,
I smile and look at the clouds,
Finally I got the chance to kiss my tears away.

Tired

Its been pretty long since I've been in this place, sorry about that. I got caught up with so much things that I wish I could just throw them away but I can't. Today I got a little time [well to be honest am kind of sad and this is the only way I can let out my feelings but just go with the excuse of me getting time today] I miss a few friends today especially those friends that made a big difference in my life in St. John's. Am mentally and emotionally tired. Yeah, thats true. I don't know what am doing in my life right now. Am lost actually no am more like a zombie in this point of my life. I've tried so hard to show everyone am happy and that am not depressed about the things that happen in my life but I can't totally fool myself. today, after talking to a friend of mine I realized how much I must have missed when I was wrapped up in my world. I guess am not the usual social- talkative kid anymore but rather the person whose living in her own world wrapped up in her own feelings that she fails to see what's going on around her. It's tiring for my best friend to see me like this, she told me but she didn't want me to be worked up for turning back to my old self. She's sad to see me having a fake smile but I guess she's used to it by now. I guess she understands what am going through.
I wanna stop everything am doing right now and just sleep, no thoughts, no worries just absolute darkness and silence. I love solitude maybe because I consider it as my companion in my times of darkness in life. [Don't think am becoming emo or something but am just describing what I feel] It's tiring showing everyone your doing okay but deep down you know your not.
That's enough for today though, I think anyone whose reading might be feeling sad or depressed and am sorry for that.
Hopefully next time I write something funny or something that makes you happy.
Till then,
Xoxo 

Respect!!!

Today was really a fucked up day. Felt like smacking someone on their face and say F... Off B****
I got a flat tire and to top it off some effing juniors from 1st semesters started talking shit about me. Seems I carry the persona of being a person with attitude and being over smart. Seriously? Over smart?? Attitude??? When I heard such a thing I was kinda shocked. Do they even know me to say such comments? Damn if they were my friends I wouldn't mind it if such comments were passed around because you took a chance to know me but on the other hand you don't know me nor do I acknowledge the fact that your alive, just because of the way I carry myself around people that doesn't mean anyone has the right to assume they know me.
I don't easily get pissed or irritated with the shit that happens with me but today was one of those days were I wanted to throw a punch at them but my fucked up rational thinking made it hard to do so (which kinda sucks). Anyway the day ended alright I guess, flat tire was changed by a few friends which I thank god they volunteered to change it for me.. haha XD
The problem with those asses who can't seem to understand were they stand currently in life is cool down since I know karma is a bitch it's gonna hit them hard in the asses one fine day.. haha XD
And also, I don't respect people who respect me so officially am gonna give them the worst treatment they are gonna get from the seniors of our department. Yeah, am mean can't help it though, survival of the fittest haha XD 

Thoughts

Funny how life turns up to be the way you didn't imagine it. There are so many things that we learn along the short life we are leading yet every time we face new challenges or obstacles that life throws us we don't tend to see it as a positive thing but rather we think it's some sort of curse given to us by God. I never though life would turn out to be this way for me, since I was a kid I always asked myself what am I doing here? Why did God sent me here? Weird questions to be thought by a 10 year old girl, I know, but I didn't consider it weird but rather aren't they normal questions people often ask themselves when they reach a certain age? Haven't people thought about such things? If they didn't guess I can consider myself weird and abnormal. But seriously I doubt that am the only one who has such thoughts cross their minds.
I'am not the type of person who talks about what I think about life personally. I don't think people would understand why my views of life are so different, so I rarely push my ideas about life to people easily. To those closest to me that is my family and friends they know am not the sort of person who easily advise people about life and how to handle themselves in certain situations but there are some people who always turn to me for advise and sometimes I wonder if they already made a decision in their minds but they just asked me or any other person just to reassure themselves with what they have decided. There are some genuine cases though and even if I don't want to tell them what to do since it's their lives and in the end its their decision that counts, I try to help them out. Though am not a person whose an expert in giving advise to people about life because I still have a long way ahead, I still want to try and help.
The reason? Like I said earlier on am a person who has thought alot about the reason as to why am I here? I may not know the exact reason but I hope with my presence I can help people, though I may not be able to do much. These are my thoughts about life, though I tried to change it so many times though but I just couldn't get it out of my mind. I realized that each of us has a reason to be here, a role we all have to play before we have to leave again. All we have to do is fulfill the role we have been placed to accomplish and while doing so enjoy every moment God has given us and learn what life has to teach each one of us.

Don't judge me.

Since it's Sunday my entire day today was spent at home, yeah it was a boring day but at least I got something  out of it which is something to write about. So no loss at all. Writer's block is officially removed haha XD
Anyway on to serious business.
I think we all have gone through the stage were people love to talk and judge about the way we live our own personal lives and how we see it, and from my point of view honestly I always consider them useless a**holes who got no other job to do other than judging the way I live my life. I don't know about the others but seriously I learnt that the more they judge me the more I do things that goes beyond the limits of their definition of being a 'good kid', example: Technically I shouldn't get my ears pierced more than once, I got it more than seven times, I shouldn't pierce my eyebrows, well lo and behold I pierced it with a needle and thread since once is never enough I did it three times since each time the hole was small, well guess you got the thing about what am trying to say. People closest to me know am not the sort of person who could easily listen to people and do what they want me to do, the more you tell me to do something I do the opposite (this applies only to those people who I don't respect). I've been living my life for 21 years according to how I see fit, my parents aren't the sort of parents who would tell me to live my life according to their wishes but rather they have entrusted me with the responsibility for my own life. The reason as to why they gave me such a responsibility it's because they want me to personally learn to face how the real life is and make me realize that life ain't a bed of roses and also they realized that in the end of the day its my life and not theirs. But guess other people have a different mindset. Is it so wrong to live my life according to my wishes instead of conforming to society? Each one of us have our own way of seeing and living our own lives because we all know we all each have our own different obstacles that we have to conquer in life but people don't seem to understand this concept. From my side, I never try to judge the way a person lives because I should understand their view of lives. They have their own reason as to why they live their lives in that way just because I don't know the reason I don't think am dignified to judge right? But people have their own conceited views upon this, guess they are pretty jobless in their own lives they got enough time to worry about what's going on in other people lives rather than worry about the problems in their own lives.
P.S.- This goes out to all those who judge me, I seriously don't give a damn what you think about me but just for the record do know this important fact that every time you judge and talk about me an imaginary middle finger goes out in honor for all of you.
PEACE OUT!

Writer's Block

Okay right now am seriously facing a writer's block. I don't know what to write because it's all jumbled up in my mind. hahaXD
I'll try to unblock it and come back in a few day's to the blog world.
P.S. the reason as to why am writing this shit in my blog is because I miss writing something over here. Stupid excuse but can't help it.
Anyway Peace Out!!
Will definitely catch up in a few day's, if am lucky the earliest will be by tomorrow.

An epitaph

Those closest to me know that I'm not that sort of person who can easily express what I feel inside with actions but rather I prefer writing it down and hope that the person reading understands what am trying to say. Though I've gone through many hardships in my life, one of the hardest was losing my dad when I was 16. It's been hard for me to deal with his death and even now I'am still having problems with it but I'am not that sort of person who shows the world that she's sad or anything.  It's been four years and 9 months, and whenever I see young kids walking with their dad's holding hands and crossing the road I was always wishing my dad was with me to protect me from the world.
Losing someone you care and love alot especially a parent makes you learn the most valuable lesson in life. You learn to cherish the moments you shared and also value the little and big things they taught you when they were by your side. Though I love my mom, I kinda love my dad a little more. He made me learn to have tolerance and to never be afraid of anything and even if I'm afraid, never show it to the world. He wasn't that sort of parent who would give you long lectures if you did anything wrong but rather he would sit down with me and talk to me like a friend. From him, I learnt to live my life according to my wishes, to not care what people say because no matter what it is they will always keep on talking and to never be afraid to always follow my dreams no matter what. He may not be the greatest dad in the world, but in my eyes he was. He always loved me no matter what I did and he always accepted me for what I am. I did and said many things which I now realized must have given him much hurt but yet he tolerated it and still loved me. I always wondered if he was here right now would he be proud of the person I am now? Will he forgive me for all the things I said and did? The answers to these questions are 'what ifs'.
But I hope that wherever he is right now, I hope he knows my feelings that am sorry for everything. It's because of him and mom's constant guidance that I am the person I am right now.
 Thank you dad and Love you!