"Those moments in life were you realized how you missed those moments that you can never get back, the moments were you wish that time stood still, the moments were you wish that you never want to go through, the moments were you felt you reached rock bottom. The moments that make life, life. Those moments that went you look back you finally realize you've come so far".

Wedding Bells

Heard the wedding bells ringing across the town,
I smiled to myself and realized that your officially not mine any more.
Another love to fill your life that was made empty by me,
I saw you walking hand in hand with her;
Smiling and looking like you've just won the lottery.

I walked away like I had a few years back,
Slowly realizing that if I had stayed maybe I would have been the one in your arms right now.
I strolled down the park where we first met,
Memories of how we were replaying on my head.

The smiles and the silent conversations we always shared,
The inside jokes that we both laughed like crazy at.
The unspoken promises of being together,
To stand by each other side's no matter what happened;
Now but a dream that has finally ended.

Each talked slowly ending with a quarrel,
Each phone call with just a small How are you?
Each meeting ending with nothing but a short goodbye,
Smiles were turned into frowns.

Both of us realizing we wanted different things in the end,
You wanted a bond stronger than what we had;
While all I wanted was time to breathe.

Never did I realize the importance of love,
Though each fight ended with an apology;
Chances with us started running low.
Our goodbye's however, came earlier than what I expected,
Unspoken and quick.

Though three years has passed I still think about us,
The life of what could have been plays through my mind.
Choices made when I was young serve as a reminder of the past I wasn't proud,
Regrets now playing its role in my life.


Heard the wedding bells ringing across the town again,
I see you walking down the stairs with her in your arms.
You smiling at her with eyes of adoration,
I guess you've finally found your happy ending.


-Iba.R.

Things that I love

Thank You

Hey guys, pretty long that I came online and updated my blog right? Yeah, Sorry about that was caught up with tonnes of paperwork that needed to be done by yesterday and finally the only time I got time to write something is right now (actually I got some paperwork but I still didn't feel like doing it until I'm done updating my blog :P). So yeah, tomorrow is finally the day I leave for Delhi and go compete in the Henry Dunant Competition and represent the entire University (which I think its freaking scary considering the fact that I'm not much of a person who loves talking :P) but this is all in God's hands in the end right? We only need to work hard from our end and the rest is upto God, so fingers cross people :)

But yeah, today I'm not in the mood to talk more about that because once I do, I see and feel butterflies covering me XD.

Today, I wanted to write something that I've never told much people about it and it's the reason why I got back to music and into writing again. Not many know this story since I do not like telling my past that much since we all have a few skeletons in the closet that we do not ever want to open in our lives right? The reason why I want to write about it today is that I finally learn to let go of such a past and I finally made peace with it  and I think people should know that even I had my share of ups and downs in my short span of living.

Few years back most of my close friends of mine know this very well, that it was the worst or rather that point of my life were I felt like I couldn't breathe any more, each day was not what a day were I woke up on the bright side of the bed and smiled at the beauty of the world but rather I was one of those people who didn't like anything at all, no matter what it was I didn't smile from my soul. Yes, I smiled around and showed everyone I was okay but few cracks showed on the surface but not everyone can see it, even my closest family couldn't see those cracks well enough because I knew how to hide behind the mask of smiles. I think I have wrote this on my earlier posts (sorry if I'm mentioning it again) but when my dad passed away six years ago I was the one who got hit with the loss the most, maybe because before he died we had an argument that I seriously wish I apologized instead of being the dumb stubborn kid I was, but guess this happens when you take things for granted right? So yes when he passed away, depression and guilt was not far away from eating my soul away, numbness from the world was a feeling that I grew accustomed with and to make sure I was still alive I ended up having scars, each day was like a battle with my inner demons and emotions that I had to keep in check every moment but God had other plans for me though, for a two years or so I was reminded about things that made me realize that sometimes we makes mistakes, we should learn from it and accept the weak points we all have in our lives and live on and try to be better people.

During those two years or so, music and writing didn't have any effect in my life, it was like I was writing for no-one in particular and even though people say writing will help you to me it was more like a muddled and jumbled thoughts of my mind that made no sense at all. Music didn't give me the joy it used to give me when I was younger, it felt my entire life source was on a stop button instead of being on pause. Relationships with me also kept breaking and falling apart but that point of time I didn't think much about it, to me being alone was considered the air that I breathe.
But as time passed, I slowly understood things with God's help and I slowly learnt to let go of the past regrets that was eating me up every day, but music and writing were still left blanked. I didn't know what to do to make me get back that passion and joy I have lost, all I could think was to pray and keep on asking God to help me and show me a way to get back what I lost.

Another two years I was walking on that long road of frustration, I kept thinking about ways to get back into music and writing, I even stopped singing during those two years. But again, God made me find my way back into music after those two long years of waiting and praying. The song I heard was not in English, let alone in Khasi (my native language) but rather it was in Korean but the way it conveyed its meaning through the music was something different. After listening to it and a few more songs, I finally started enjoying music again, slowly finding joy again when I though I would not never get it back and when I learnt more about the composer I started getting into that hyped I had before, the hyped of writing and the joy you get to see on people's faces when they say that they feel connected to that particular piece.

Now, it's finally three years to be exact since I found my passion again but now its burning more stronger than ever, knowing that whatever it is the passion one has for music should never be lost because to me, music is the kindest, caring and understanding friend you can have in this cruel world other than God.

So Thank You God for all the blessings you've given me especially when I was lost, and Thank You Mr Kwon and Bigbang for making music and writing songs that makes people like me to believe in themselves and find a way back to their path.

-Xoxo

The things that I love the most...

Okay guys, people have asked me what do I love the most and soo ta-dah! :D
Yeah, I love accessories and I love getting those unique and interesting accessories that it's very rare to get and these are a few of what I have collected so far.
Hope you like them :)

The un-send letter

Opened the box that has been collecting dust for many years,

How long has it been since this box of memories has seen the light of day? 

As I was looking through the old letters I found a letter that was never send,

I smiled and remember the feelings that I had put when I wrote it.

Reading it again I remember the sweetest memories of young sweet love,

The smiles that we exchanged, the tears we both shared. 

The so called love at first sight for both of us that we secretly shared, 

The moments were we ran away from home just to spend time with each other. 

The secret memories we both shared under the starry nights,

Never knowing when we would be caught. 

Each time spent together was a breathe of fresh air that made me want to live, 

You made me want to live my life like there's no tomorrow.

We were reckless, wild and young,

But we both didn't care. 

As I kept reading a small smile tugs on my face,

Remembering the promises we made to each other and craving our names on the town's tree;

The day's were we both didn't care about anyone.

Years has passed and now it's 20 years to be exact,

We are still those kids; reckless, wild and young at heart.

The un-send letter now being nothing but a memoir of the love that stood through it all,

A remembrance of our never ending love story. 

-Iba.R.

Loneliness ain't so bad.....

Was talking to a very good friend of mine a few minutes back and she wasn't feeling perky, to be exact she got hit with the feeling of being lonely and being homesick so this post is meant for her because honestly I want her to smile and also I got a new idea to write about so *tah-Dah* a new post :D [Btw, do thank her because she gave me the idea lol :D]

So yeah, I guess most people have gone through such feelings when one is far from home and from family and trust me it kind off sucks big time especially when you need motivation and a little bit of loving from your mom or dad. I have been the only child in the family for 17 years and trust me I'm so used to being alone most of the time but being lonely is totally different mind you people. I do get times when I feel being lonely was good but most times it scares me, and I know I'm not the only one when I say this. 

I want to let people on a little secret, I was never with my parents most of the time, my childhood was mostly spent with my grand father and my aunty [my mom's younger sister] and my dad since my mom went off to study in Delhi for three years so because of that I was mostly stuck at home the entire day alone and with my nanny but then again even though my nanny was there, I was lonely [yeah people, I was a lonely child so give me props to being emo :P].

So yeah, after that I had to leave home for my high school for two years but it wasn't so bad though because I had awesome kick ass friends who were there to suffer the same fate as me [but I think it might be my emo side kicked in that period though :P], anyway there were moments I was homesick and I felt like kicking Rita Paul's asre [she's the Head Warden in the Girl's dormitory when we were in school] because of her constant nagging and her way of talking that made me and every else if I might add to puke and die at that very moment [yes she's that old nutty wringly green hair monster that our parents told us about when we were kids :P]. 

Anyway, I realized many things though through the years [and don't think I'm emo even if I was before :P] and one thing that stuck out was the fact that even if we are lonely and feel that we are alone in this world, there will always be someone who will be by your side through and through it just that we need to look better. Sometimes, walking the so called lonely road is not all bad, you learn many things about yourself when your alone as long as you embrace loneliness as a companion trust me you will understand that most times in life you have to walk this road many times, each time you tread on this path you learn many new things you never have expected it so instead of being all down because of it why don't you learn to take it as something new to experience since everything in life be it good or bad all depends on how we look at it. So don't worry I know loneliness is a scary thing but if you look nicely you'll see that your not the only one who is feeling this, and even if your family and friends are a million miles away they would always by your side be it physically or spiritually. It just all depends on our mindset and if you still feel your alone message me or call me I'll definitely be there for you :)


-Xoxo

Never meant to be owned

Restless nights and sleepless dreams,
How long has it been since I had the privilege to be comforted with the darkness?
Every day a routine of walking, smiling and living a human life,
But every moment a personal battle within myself.
Decisions were already made, discussions were already talked;
Not once have people asked what I wanted or what I dreamt.
I wasn't born for myself, to live a life I chose, to talk who I wanted,
The actions I made were all controlled, a puppet on a mere string played by someone else.
I want to scream out loud but when I do why doesn't anybody hear me?
The voice that I so cherish cannot be heard any more.
I want to dream and live but why are there chains binding me?
The freedom that I once felt are now a mere remembrance of the times of innocence.
I try so hard so break through the barriers but yet why do I feel my energy is being weak,
Have I become so weak through the years that I forgot the strength I carry?
The shackles that hold me are stronger than ever,
Yet I know I was never born in this life to conform to anyone.
I was born to live life according to my own wishes,
Never to be strung along as a puppet.
Conformity for me was never the air to breathe,
So let me cut the so called strings,
And let you know, I am my own person, never meant to be owned by anyone.

-Iba. R.

Notifications

Hey guys, well from tomorrow it's going to be a very hectic 3 weeks, reasons are that I got to organize a fresher's party with my seniors (this is one of the reasons why I hate being a senior as well) on 14th, so full swing on the decorations and the different programs that need to be present on that day and fuck it's so hard to make people come and say they are ready to do it BUT enough ranting on such a topic.

So yeah, I got practise runs for the moot court competition as well (the competition is going to be on 20th and in New Delhi) till 18th  then the battle will start so because of it I literally feel like butterflies are living in my stomach right now because I'm shit scared and nervous for it. But I got teamed up with the best so all fingers cross right? 

And yes, I got my projects to finish by this month and as I have mentioned before projects are mostly research paper so it's going to be a a headache because the projects are really fucked up so I'm officially going to be a walking zombie this month.

Anyway, enough of my ranting, see you soon (hopefully that is :P)

-XOXO

Life of a Law Student Part II

Well guys I'm again with the second part of life as a law student and damn I can't believe I'm already in my fourth year right now and exactly after one year and 6months my life as a law student would come to an end and that's when the shit glory days of being a lawyer would start for many people in my batch all except for me and a group of friends since we are planning to complete our masters. For me well, personally I'm planning to do my masters in Global entertainment and the Music Industry and I know most people haven't heard about such a Masters because trust me even I found out about it recently last year itself.

Anyway, enough talking about my future plans because I personally do not know whether I can get it or because it's all in God's hands so let's just have our fingers cross eh? :P

So yeah people who are planning to pursue law as a profession do remember I'm writing all this as my personal view so don't think I'm discouraging you it's just that I want you to know what you got to go through before getting the name of a Practising Lawyer.

Anyway, on ward march with this shit people :P

1. Like I said earlier in Part I, law students get lack of sleep and because of that we can never sleep for more than 5- 6 hours everyday. We practically got used to the fact that we are walking zombies who has no hope to get enough sleep till the day we die. 
2. You realized that no matter what happens you know the best way to act smart is to keep quiet and show that your deep in thought even though you don't know what the fuck hell is going on. 
3. You realize that there won't be any point in getting angry because to be truthful you know that even if you do get angry people would consider that you have a calm personality so you freaking out would be fucking really scary. 
4. You learn that law isn't all sunshine and rainbows as we see on the television or read in books because honestly it's really a dark and scary world if you don't have people to help you. 
5. You realize that your name isn't going to be used but rather the number you have in the roll call. Get used to being called #4 or whatever your number you have for the remaining semesters you have. 
6. You finally realize that assignments are really research work (yes, we have to act like research scholars as well). 
7. You learn what is time management (yes, you will learn it in the hard way since your going to study to study law for five freaking years). 
8. Patience is the key to everything, especially dealing with your professors (trust me, your professors expect alot from you especially after you reached your fourth year). 
9. You love spending time in the library (even I don't know how that turn out that way). 
10. As said earlier in part I, your lies will get better with each passing semester so consider it as a practise run to get you ready for the Court room. 
11. You learn to twist so many things that even yourself would get lost during the process (I usually get lost often, nothing new right now). 
12. You hate the sentence 'lawyers are liars' because you know that such shit sentences aren't true at all. (Honestly I think people are dumb if they such things, if it wasn't for us so called liars who the fuck hell will they fight for their rights?) 
13. There will be many times when frustration would hit you real bad. The reason would mostly be because you want to finish this course fast and start working especially when you hear your friends are already working, but please do not lose hope. 
14. Most of the time your alone but you'll get used to it though because you finally understand whose a friend and whose a foe. 
15. You goals in life start getting clearer and you actually know what you want to in life (yeah it took long enough right?) 

Well, that's all I've learnt for now and I know there's still more, even though you think its like a lot of things law isn't a bad profession but that's for you to judge yourself anyway so let's continue some more points again when I learnt more about life as a law student after all I still got a year and a half more *bleh* :|

-Xoxo

When I'm bored at home and the only thing I can do is this shit :P 

Stupid right ahahahha but who cares XD

Reasons why an Ex will always be an Ex...

Right now I'm seriously in the mood to write about the reasons an ex will always be an ex, you might be thinking why such a random topic about but I seriously feel people should realize that there are people in this world that believe that once it's over its over and I'm one of them (don't blame me though I haven't fallen in love, yes guys I've never fallen in love). Anyway yeah, these are my own reason why an ex will always be an ex in my eyes and please do not mine my language and also my view in such things because everyone has their own mind and thoughts and below are my views even though it may seem rude and mean, please do understand that.

Anyway, the reasons why an Ex will always be an Ex in my books are as follows;

1. There's a reason why we broke up the first time, to me personally I believe once a relationship is broken I will not get back together again.
2. The past is the past, enough said.
3. I liked you but that doesn't mean I still like you right now, understand that. 
4. Don't think you know me better now when you could have known me better before.
5. Acting like you fucking know me just because of a few months together but never realizing you don't know yourself as well in the end of the day.

These are a few reasons why I will consider an Ex to be always an Ex and there still some more but I think the reasons I would give would be a little too much for people so I'll end till the fifth point but yes people I don't date my ex'es and I seriosuly don't beleive in second chances in relationships except for certain exceptions (And yeah, I haven't seen the reason to use such exceptions to this very moment), so yes people, I may seem mean and rude but I can't help it.

There's a reason why an Ex is an Ex in your life, no point in keeping yourself busy thinking about the past and what you had.

-Peace!

In between

Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be genuine was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between Between my pride and my promise.
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none.
Let me apologize to begin with
Let me apologize for what I'm about to say
But trying to regain your trust was harder than it seemed
But somehow I got caught up in between.
I cannot explain to you
In anything I say or do or plan
Fear is not afraid of you
Guilt's a language you can understand
I cannot explain to you in anything I say or do
I hope the actions speak the words they can.
For my pride and my promise
Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way
The things I want to say to you get lost before they come
The only thing that's worse than one is none.

[From the song In Between- Linkin Park]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjajQrSgjDY