Single Life

[This is just a song I repeat just a song]

"Hopeless romantic
That just can't be me
I ain't scared of commitment
but I just like being free

I can only imagine how love would feel cause I never felt it
I tend to change it up, let's be real
I can't help it

I don't need nobody to hold me down
I ain't one of those waiting for love to come around
Cause when it rains it pours, I'm out of the door
I don't need that
I love the single life

Thought I knew love like the back of my hand
Ain't against it but I need a bit of time to understand
And someday I'll learn though the twist and the turns
But right now no need for shades of grey
I'll pass on getting hurt

I'm independent and I love it
Am solo
Even if your thinking of me
Am solo
You can't catch me in love
I won't give up."

[Sang by: Cha Cha Malone Ft. Jay Park- Single Life]

Sickness

Pretense was the name of the game but I guess I had no clue,

You won and I lost.

I thought being with you was easy as breathing but as time passed I couldn't breathe anymore,
Suffocated in this relationship, I knew I had to let you go but I kept on holding on.

This love has become an obsession, a bad habit that I should get rid of,

My voice has turned into fear, my eyes shows nothing.

My affection is lost, I've become numb,

People around me tell me I've changed.

They don't understand me anymore but when did they ever did?

The coldness that surrounds me is slowly filling me up.
I can't look at myself anymore.
I got nothing in me now, 

Emptiness surrounds me but it doesn't make me weak.

Am not sick, am not hurt,

All I need is time.

Feelings change as the seasons,

Everyone changes.
I learnt from you the hardest thing in life,
There's no denying it now, I finally understand

Love is atrocious.
Love gives you pain as you keep learning about it.
The more you learn the worst you become.
Love is bad.
Love is nothing but hurt.

Love is just a sickness.
I don't need to beg you to stay, am letting you go.

I need to breathe again.

I need to live.

I don't need my mind to be filled with useless thoughts.

I need a drink right now,
I need to drown these thoughts and make me not remind myself for what I've become for you.
I've become cold to everyone who knows me,
Drunk in anxiety and doubts.
Am tainted by the love we had.
Memories of us haunt me and I can't seem to make myself forget,
But I need to tell myself that the love we shared was nothing but pretense
I learnt from you the hardest thing in life,
There's no denying it now, I finally understand
Love is atrocious.

Love gives you pain as you keep learning about it.
The more you learn the worst you become.
Love is bad.
Love is nothing but hurt.

Love is just a  sickness.

[This is just a poem nothing against love as such. I was listening to a song and got inspired. Nothing more or nothing less]

Thankful

You see pass my imperfections and took me for who I really am,

You held my hand and not even once you never let me go.
Seen my tears, my fears, my pain, my dreams and hopes,

When I thought I was alone you talked to me,

Comforted me and told me that I should never be afraid.

In the darkness moments of my life you've been there for me,

You guided me with your light.

You reached out to me when I thought no one was there for me,

Despite for my all imperfections you took me for who I am,

There were time I pushed you away, yet you always waited for me with open arms to come back to you,
Your love and your mercy is never ending,

You gave me hope once again and made me see the wonders of your works,

You took the pain I had in my heart and told me to be strong.

Your my strength when am weak,

The light that constantly guides me in this journey of life.

Nothing compares to your never ending love for each of us.

Jesus, your my Saviour and my friend,

You rise me to life again when I had lost all hope,

Am caught up in your infinite grace and love.

Each day is a new blessing you shower upon me,

For every moment I have in this life am thankful to you.

Closure

It's been a while now,
I haven't called you nor seen you.
Guess time didn't heal you up as yet,
I know I've hurt you more than I should have.
Promised you many things but ended up breaking up all of them,
I didn't mean to hurt you but guess that's how it is.
Memories keep on popping in my mind,
Thoughts of us still being best friends still haunt me in my dreams.
I wish I could hold your hand right now and ask for forgiveness again,
But I guess your not gonna come back

Years have passed and still there's no sign of you,
I've learnt to walk alone right now but sometimes I wish you could come back to being my friend.
But I know that's just wishful thinking,
I just hope your not hurting anymore.
May all your pain be washed away and may you find happiness again,
Time heals everything especially the pain that every heart has to go through.
Guess it's finally time I let the memories of us go,
The Final Goodbye.
The Closure.

Feelings o.O [yeah right! it's just a song]

"Your holding in your hands the two halves of my heart. Once upon a time we both were on the same side. Once upon a time we fell apart"


[Just edited a few words cuz I like it that way haha XD]


- Princess of China [Coldplay ft. Rihanna]

In life, all we need is time for anything to grow and to be strong. We have to withstand so many hardships and trials in life before anything becomes strong and it can be able to withstand anything that life throws at it. The same goes for the relationships that we have in our lives.

Staying up all night just to be able to see the sunrise

Though am cold and darkness surrounds me, the path that lies before me is Warm and will surround me with light

Photo credit : L. Thongni

When Heaven decided to show its beauty

photo credit: Zamn Edd.

Kiss those tears away

We've gone so long in this journey, we fight and we make up,
There were times I thought we won't make it anymore but then,
You smile and say "We can make it no matter what happens".
I smiled at you but realized I can't keep living with this lie.


It's been so long since I've seen you,
I keep thinking if your doing okay and if you happy with your life.
I miss those memories we shared together but I know what I did was the best for both of us,
I smile and look at the clouds,
Finally I got the chance to kiss my tears away.

Tired

Its been pretty long since I've been in this place, sorry about that. I got caught up with so much things that I wish I could just throw them away but I can't. Today I got a little time [well to be honest am kind of sad and this is the only way I can let out my feelings but just go with the excuse of me getting time today] I miss a few friends today especially those friends that made a big difference in my life in St. John's. Am mentally and emotionally tired. Yeah, thats true. I don't know what am doing in my life right now. Am lost actually no am more like a zombie in this point of my life. I've tried so hard to show everyone am happy and that am not depressed about the things that happen in my life but I can't totally fool myself. today, after talking to a friend of mine I realized how much I must have missed when I was wrapped up in my world. I guess am not the usual social- talkative kid anymore but rather the person whose living in her own world wrapped up in her own feelings that she fails to see what's going on around her. It's tiring for my best friend to see me like this, she told me but she didn't want me to be worked up for turning back to my old self. She's sad to see me having a fake smile but I guess she's used to it by now. I guess she understands what am going through.
I wanna stop everything am doing right now and just sleep, no thoughts, no worries just absolute darkness and silence. I love solitude maybe because I consider it as my companion in my times of darkness in life. [Don't think am becoming emo or something but am just describing what I feel] It's tiring showing everyone your doing okay but deep down you know your not.
That's enough for today though, I think anyone whose reading might be feeling sad or depressed and am sorry for that.
Hopefully next time I write something funny or something that makes you happy.
Till then,
Xoxo