Tired

Its been pretty long since I've been in this place, sorry about that. I got caught up with so much things that I wish I could just throw them away but I can't. Today I got a little time [well to be honest am kind of sad and this is the only way I can let out my feelings but just go with the excuse of me getting time today] I miss a few friends today especially those friends that made a big difference in my life in St. John's. Am mentally and emotionally tired. Yeah, thats true. I don't know what am doing in my life right now. Am lost actually no am more like a zombie in this point of my life. I've tried so hard to show everyone am happy and that am not depressed about the things that happen in my life but I can't totally fool myself. today, after talking to a friend of mine I realized how much I must have missed when I was wrapped up in my world. I guess am not the usual social- talkative kid anymore but rather the person whose living in her own world wrapped up in her own feelings that she fails to see what's going on around her. It's tiring for my best friend to see me like this, she told me but she didn't want me to be worked up for turning back to my old self. She's sad to see me having a fake smile but I guess she's used to it by now. I guess she understands what am going through.
I wanna stop everything am doing right now and just sleep, no thoughts, no worries just absolute darkness and silence. I love solitude maybe because I consider it as my companion in my times of darkness in life. [Don't think am becoming emo or something but am just describing what I feel] It's tiring showing everyone your doing okay but deep down you know your not.
That's enough for today though, I think anyone whose reading might be feeling sad or depressed and am sorry for that.
Hopefully next time I write something funny or something that makes you happy.
Till then,
Xoxo