Thank You

Hey guys, pretty long that I came online and updated my blog right? Yeah, Sorry about that was caught up with tonnes of paperwork that needed to be done by yesterday and finally the only time I got time to write something is right now (actually I got some paperwork but I still didn't feel like doing it until I'm done updating my blog :P). So yeah, tomorrow is finally the day I leave for Delhi and go compete in the Henry Dunant Competition and represent the entire University (which I think its freaking scary considering the fact that I'm not much of a person who loves talking :P) but this is all in God's hands in the end right? We only need to work hard from our end and the rest is upto God, so fingers cross people :)

But yeah, today I'm not in the mood to talk more about that because once I do, I see and feel butterflies covering me XD.

Today, I wanted to write something that I've never told much people about it and it's the reason why I got back to music and into writing again. Not many know this story since I do not like telling my past that much since we all have a few skeletons in the closet that we do not ever want to open in our lives right? The reason why I want to write about it today is that I finally learn to let go of such a past and I finally made peace with it  and I think people should know that even I had my share of ups and downs in my short span of living.

Few years back most of my close friends of mine know this very well, that it was the worst or rather that point of my life were I felt like I couldn't breathe any more, each day was not what a day were I woke up on the bright side of the bed and smiled at the beauty of the world but rather I was one of those people who didn't like anything at all, no matter what it was I didn't smile from my soul. Yes, I smiled around and showed everyone I was okay but few cracks showed on the surface but not everyone can see it, even my closest family couldn't see those cracks well enough because I knew how to hide behind the mask of smiles. I think I have wrote this on my earlier posts (sorry if I'm mentioning it again) but when my dad passed away six years ago I was the one who got hit with the loss the most, maybe because before he died we had an argument that I seriously wish I apologized instead of being the dumb stubborn kid I was, but guess this happens when you take things for granted right? So yes when he passed away, depression and guilt was not far away from eating my soul away, numbness from the world was a feeling that I grew accustomed with and to make sure I was still alive I ended up having scars, each day was like a battle with my inner demons and emotions that I had to keep in check every moment but God had other plans for me though, for a two years or so I was reminded about things that made me realize that sometimes we makes mistakes, we should learn from it and accept the weak points we all have in our lives and live on and try to be better people.

During those two years or so, music and writing didn't have any effect in my life, it was like I was writing for no-one in particular and even though people say writing will help you to me it was more like a muddled and jumbled thoughts of my mind that made no sense at all. Music didn't give me the joy it used to give me when I was younger, it felt my entire life source was on a stop button instead of being on pause. Relationships with me also kept breaking and falling apart but that point of time I didn't think much about it, to me being alone was considered the air that I breathe.
But as time passed, I slowly understood things with God's help and I slowly learnt to let go of the past regrets that was eating me up every day, but music and writing were still left blanked. I didn't know what to do to make me get back that passion and joy I have lost, all I could think was to pray and keep on asking God to help me and show me a way to get back what I lost.

Another two years I was walking on that long road of frustration, I kept thinking about ways to get back into music and writing, I even stopped singing during those two years. But again, God made me find my way back into music after those two long years of waiting and praying. The song I heard was not in English, let alone in Khasi (my native language) but rather it was in Korean but the way it conveyed its meaning through the music was something different. After listening to it and a few more songs, I finally started enjoying music again, slowly finding joy again when I though I would not never get it back and when I learnt more about the composer I started getting into that hyped I had before, the hyped of writing and the joy you get to see on people's faces when they say that they feel connected to that particular piece.

Now, it's finally three years to be exact since I found my passion again but now its burning more stronger than ever, knowing that whatever it is the passion one has for music should never be lost because to me, music is the kindest, caring and understanding friend you can have in this cruel world other than God.

So Thank You God for all the blessings you've given me especially when I was lost, and Thank You Mr Kwon and Bigbang for making music and writing songs that makes people like me to believe in themselves and find a way back to their path.

-Xoxo